Over the last year, a small community group (Befriending Death) has been listening to the stories of ‘ordinary’ New Zealanders and unearthing what their real-life experiences can tell us about what we know and need in our last few years of life.

One of the clearest messages has been that more people than you might think do want to talk about dying and aging. And we don’t just want to talk about wills and End of Life Care Plans. Lots of us also want to talk more openly and more often about the messier things that come up as we get older and frailer. Things like meaning, purpose, pain, love, fear, joy, gratitude and regrets. As well as things like the realities and complexities of needing help, becoming a caregiver, making choices, handling finances, and finding new roles in our family and community. We often don’t talk about these sorts of topics because we think other people don’t want to talk to us, and because we just don’t know how to start.

Befriending Death has put together a website where you can find lots of ideas about what to talk about, as well as guides on how to start thinking and talking about these sorts of things with the people who matter to you.

The website is designed to be a place that you can drop in and revisit often to find one or two things that might be of interest to you at the moment. You don’t have to do it all at once! There are no quick answers or simple solutions. But there are lots of curious questions to consider.

One of the other main messages from listening to the stories of lots of people, is that this doesn’t have to all be serious and hard. Laughter, creativity, friendship and slow gentle exploring of what feels good and right for you are all great tools for helping all of us to talk more often and more deeply about aging, illness and dying.

Visit https://www.befriendingdeathnz.com/ to find out more.

A “thank you” to Karen for sending this article to The Upper Hutt Connection.

03/09/25